Chapter 4 Social Stuff and Nonsense

"Walk with me for a while. Leave your life as it is, unplug your head phones, and follow in my footprints. Tuesday morning; beach walking. Absorb the serenity; the surf breaking softly, the ocean’s gentle undulating resonance. Soft sand and seaweed smell... nature’s priceless gifts in abundance.
Today is my creative day; a day to write, paint and cook. No appointments, and no set times. The day will unfold. Socially quiet, and much needed after a full weekend. But if a pleasurable invitation comes ..........
Sunday night no longer holds that feeling of dread, and Monday is exciting to wake up to. A day full of new opportunities, with time to play and grow. This week, I woke to the scent of flowers and sounds of birdsong... my morning coffee followed by a time of reflection and peace. An art class in the morning and birthday barbecue in the afternoon . Oh yes and time to plan my week....as I choose to spend it."
 
Social

"Beware unfounded fears

Coming from your Peers,

You know your journeys long,

But , also, know you’re strong.

With highs and lows,

That’s how it goes.

But you know you’re not wrong"

 

Who is Who?

Who do you spend most time with? Are they supportive towards you or are they a drain on your emotional energy?

This is so important to get to grips with. For you to have the best journey you need to be surrounded by people who cheer you on.

 

There are people who are “Givers”- who naturally give love, support, energy and would help no matter what your situation.  They never judge you, they only encourage you. When you spend time with these people you become energized, inspired, happy and calm. These are HEALTHY people to be around.

 

Sadly there are also people who are “Takers” – these people believe that the world revolves around them and you are there to “serve”. They are intrinsically selfish unhappy people who will complain rather than praise. They are very difficult to please and choose to feel “hurt” if they don’t get their own way, often using “illness” as a route to control situations and the people around them.

These people will excuse themselves to help you and will discourage you from making decisions that are uncomfortable for them and do not fit in with their life.

When spending time in a “takers” company you can often feel that the life force is being sucked out of you, leaving you anxious, drained, discouraged and fearful that your dreams are selfish, beyond your capabilities, and worthless.

These are UNHEALTHY people to be around.

It is important to identify who is who in your own life. I would encourage you to spend as much time with the givers as you can, and limit time spent with takers to as little as possible. But at the very least recognize who’s who. And do not be deterred by the takers!!!!!

 

It is very true in my own journey that I had to adjust who I spent time around, and if I had listened to the fears of others, I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today, being able to do what I do.

 

Have you ever had the phrase “ don’t you care how I feel? “ leveled at you about something you have done or decided to do?

I certainly have.

It has been said by a “taker”, who had only their own selfish reasons to feel ”hard done by”. My answer to this question has been simple, EMPATHIC and emphatic.

 

“Of course I care how you feel, it saddens and disappoints me that you have CHOSEN to feel upset, but it is your choice to feel that way, over which I have no power.

If you really loved and supported me, I would hope you would choose to feel happy for me. “

 

Trust me this is very powerful!!! You will rarely get challenged again, by that particular person.

 

COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

I’m going to add a little bit on communication skills and emotional intelligence here, as I feel it is very important to link this with the social side of your journey.

It also links to upcoming topics in the "life skills and attributes" chapters.

Communication skills are so important particularly in this digital day and age, where the text and email can so easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood leading to disasterous consequences.

A text or email, I feel, can be very one-dimentional.  It says what it says. There is no personality or tone, if you don’t deliberately make it obvious. They can be bland or demanding, but also loving and priceless.

I made a deliberate choice to , hopefully, make the recipient of any of my correspondence, feel better after receiving them, than they did just before opening them.

So with any communication I send, I put the recipients wellbeing first, before I ask for anything, or address the relevant issue.

This means that my emails or texts ALWAYS begin with enquiring and hoping that the recipient is well, and having a fabulous day…..and/or, that they are looking forward to a wonderful weekend/ able to enjoy the fabulous weather/ only 2 days to go and it’s Friday….woohoo!

You get the drift.

My intent is to raise the positive energy conveyed within the email/text……enquiring about them first, making them feel valued, and to EMPATHISE with them, showing concern……. And be sure, if you do this consistently your emails and texts will be the first ones that get opened, answered, and actioned.

 

EMPATHY is a keystone of emotional intelligence and is one of the most important and valuable of your life skills and attributes you can have and practice. I am not going to say a lot about emotional intelligence only that if you don’t know what it is, it is worth reading up on….it will change your life and relationships for the better.

 

 

Stuff and Nonsense

 

CLUTTER…..It really “does what it says on the tin”

 

Not only is it physical, but mental as well. Physical clutter and untidiness is not only energy sapping but time-consuming. Looking at physical clutter makes mental clutter worse and can cause a good deal of anxiety.

The trick with surfing downstream is to streamline, declutter, downsize, and organize. This does take time and mental adjustment. For me it took 3 years, and 3 moves, downsizing and decluttering more and more each time; at last getting all my life possessions into 10 cubic metres in readiness for emigration and shipping.

I now have only what I need , and I know where everything is. My life is simple, efficient and comfortable. I don’t have the need to go out shopping for the next new gadget or fashion trend. I try and recycle as much as I can. I am HAPPIER.