Salmon Surfing Rocks Chapter 4 Relationships
Relationships are complex and it is more than likely that you will come up against some opposition to your plans to change your life. My experience has taught me that what works best, is to tackle any objections and issues, with empathy and love. It is your most powerful tool and can be totally disarming.
This was one of the biggest rocks at the beginning of my journey. I had married a soul-mate after university, but over time, our paths were going in different directions and we had very different aspirations. It was my decision to leave. We didn’t fall out, and decided to not involve lawyers. I left cleanly without taking anything. Our dignity was preserved. We are both now happier in new families and new lives, and are living our lives to our truths.
But don’t be misled, it was very painful and very hard on both of us at the time, and took a long time to get over.
Some of my family were not overjoyed when I announced I was emigrating to the other side of the world. However, I maintained that if they truly loved me, they would be happy for me, and excited that I was following my dreams; and this should really be the case. Having done what I set out to do, ALL my relationships within my family are better, so everyone is happy.
I live a child-free life, so I won’t make comment on the difficulties that may be faced with the responsibility of having children to consider. However a great friend of mine commented that her children were the very reason that she changed direction, surfing downstream. She knew that their life would be better as she could be a better mother for them, being more present emotionally and physically.
My husband is my rock: he supports what I do. But, as with any relationship, we have our ups and downs. It is important to be with someone with whom you can feel safe to disagree with, knowing and trusting that differences can be, and will be resolved. Long -term relationships thrive on trust, support and the willingness for both sides to compromise to achieve fair outcomes.
When to give up and move on
Sadly some relationships may not survive. If someone is making you feel guilty, or blaming you for their unhappiness, move on. Life is too short.
Remember you have no power over how other people choose to feel, it is simply their decision, their choice to feel the way they do. If they choose to try and make you feel unhappy, they do not have YOUR best interest at heart, and are possibly trying to manipulate you for their own selfish reasons. Worst case is it’s a form of bullying.
The Single life
I don’t like the label “ single”. I prefer “independent”.
Just as being in a relationship has it’s advantages and disadvantages, so does being independent. You do get to make choices wholly for you, which can lead you to meet people who share your same passions and can start wonderfully fulfilling relationships.
I am so lucky! I have such a wonderful diverse group of supportive friends on both sides of the world whom I love, and for which I am so grateful for. They have been there for me through all the challenges, and have kept me sane when things got tough. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, who make you laugh and who love you. Never be afraid to tell them that you love them too.